Remaining Mars one candidates assessed for ability to cooperate

By Puff Piece

 Illustration by Tyler Arnold

Illustration by Tyler Arnold

The great white whale
Confident in opinion
Validated in the pocket
Downed the whole planet in one
Then lumbered off to mars Looking for
Another drink
To shrug it off over

On encountering another white whale at the bar...

It’s your fault
No it’s your fault
No it’s your fault

Your iPhone uses more energy than a fridge
Mr Important over there,
Miss Misdirection your watch cost a thousand men’s lives
It’s your fault,No it’s your fault.

*lapping at the ankles*

Your country uses coal power
Well your country has a billion burgeoning middle class
Well your country invented the engine started this whole thing
Well your country was stolen

*lapping at the shins*

Believe me there is nobody better than I am at delusions than me
Believe me there is nobody better than I am at self promotion than me

Believe me there is nobody better than I am at being the best than me
Believe me if there is anyone better placed to solve these problems than me, big, huge surprise

*lapping at the thighs*

The problem with this thing is it does not recognise borders
It is a border problem mainly, a security issue
We’re going to beef up security
We are going to build a huge, I mean it Wall

*lapping at the chest*

This country is the lucky country
Getting paid to turn a blind eye to itself
Can you believe a deal like that
We are going to build a huge, I mean it.
Wall

After that this country and this government is definitely Going to be real.

*lapping at the neck*

Well if there is no such thing as a country
It’s not my fault because I’m not in charge
It’s your faultIt’s not my fault my country isn’t a country

*treading water*

Who is in charge here
There is no cohesion
I want to see the man in charge and complain
Let’s demonstrate.

*bobbing*